I am still me. I have not been corrupted by the world or been blinded by Satan. My heart, my soul and my passions are all the same. I still love the outdoors, I still love the creeks, trees, hills and animals of the Texas countryside. I still are a bit obsessed with Lord of the Rings and Star Trek. I still are passionate and aim to put everything I have into serving and being an example for Christ. I do not believe that I am living a selfish life, but are being more open and more genuine of me. I believe that my sexuality and whom I choose to love does not identify me.
I believe that there are grey areas in the Bible. That a book that is 6,000+ years old cannot be a word for word dictation of what happened so many millennium ago as it has been translated over and over and over and was passed down by word of mouth for thousands of years. Just think of the game 'telephone'. I do believe that the Bible is God breathed and inspired, but I also believe that it was written by men and men are anything but perfect. I do not believe that I am willingly living in sin. I believe that God looks not on the outside, but on the inside. He knows my heart.
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| "... let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" |
I believe that God is the judge, not us. "... let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" - John 8:1-11. I believe that showing love, grace and forgiveness to people and accepting them for who they are, even who they believe they are, is more powerful and more Christ-like than trying to show 'tough love' or trying to take the 'high road'. Jesus loved sinners, tax collectors, prostitutes and people of other religions and it is that example of love and inclusion that we must live.
To my family. I hope and pray, that one day you will be willing to talk with me, with an open mind and an accepting heart. It is so incredibly painful the words and the actions that you have said and spoken over the past few years (I'm sure you would say the same because of me), but I ask that you talk to me. Don't just listen to that one pastor or that one therapist that "used to be gay", but that you will speak to your own flesh and blood, your own daughter about her own life. You have never asked me why or when I "became" a lesbian. You have never asked to know my story, you only make assumptions based on other peoples lives or their experiences. Please, if you read this, please talk to me. I do not want to be attacked, or try to be guilt ridden that I am breaking your heart to try to force me back into the darkness that I was for so long in, in being ashamed of my sexuality. And when I say something, believe me. I have never been molested, raped or attacked; that did not turn me gay. I did not give up on men simply because I had never met a "good one"; I had unbelievable, Godly men in my life and men that I had dated, so believe me when I say it was never a lack of wonderful men in my life.
All I ask, of you, my family, is to love me for me. That you look beyond the label of Lesbian and see the honest, loving, passionate, nerdy, genuine, family oriented, Me. I am so much more than a label.
