A Family Much Like Yours

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." - 1 Corinthians 13:11

Growing up in a family of six, with three siblings, all of which were girls, we were as close as could be when we were younger. Playing house, school and dress up, of which I was always the brother, the husband or the dog. My parents started AWANAS (a children's Bible outreach through our Church), were on the Mission board, my Dad sang in the choir and my Mom lead multiple Children's Bible studies. We were the ideal, small town, Southern, Church going family.

Now, as we are all adults and have families and/or lives of our own, the ideal image of our childhood is gone. Even then it was anything but picturesque. On the surface we were that All American family, but behind closed doors, we were a family of fights, anger, depression, anxiety, adolescent drinking, short conversations and very little open affection. Our home was a family of pure love and I never would have asked for anything else, but having been surrounded by this atmosphere growing up, it really transformed and made us the adults that we are today, for better or worse.

All of my sisters are married. Two have kids and my youngest is coming up on her one year wedding anniversary. It has been a difficult path for each of them at times, but they are all incredible, strong, confident and God-fearing women that I look up to and admire tremendously. As I'm sure a few of you are thinking, how old are your sisters and when did they get married? Young. Let's just say that. Young. After my father, I was the first one to attend and graduate from a four year University on both sides of the family (a Great Aunt and a distant cousin did I think). So the natural adventuresome spirit that is inside me, thrived to get out of the small Texas town (population 656... seriously.) After receiving my Bachelors, I traveled to a few different countries for a time than ended up receiving my Masters in London, England.

Now, why I am bringing this up is that not only are I a well traveled small town country kid, with a Masters Degree in Screenwriting and a thirst for knowledge and an unquenchable curiosity to travel, I are also a career woman. I'm pushing 30 and aren't married, have a University degree, living in a big city, working at a Newspaper and are 100% financially independent now... that sets me apart from everyone and when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE in my family. My youngest sister went to University and so I was not the only one, but unlike me, she got married when she was 22 and already living the married life, no career life on the horizon for her at all. Of course, this may not seem like a big deal, but until you come from a traditional southern, small town, very conservative family... you will not ever be able to fully understand how 'odd' this is. How out of the ordinary and peculiar. Why would a woman not want to get married and have kids? Why would they ever want to work all day? Sounds super 1950's but... there are many, many people who still grow up and carry on this mindset.

On top of my career in Advertising in a multi-media company, my success in University as well as my extent of travel... I am also a lesbian. So not only is it difficult for my sisters and my folks to relate to me when they can't understand how important and how much a part of me is in my career and my education (this is a constant battle with them), but there is the additional boundary of my sexuality. My immediate family and I have still yet to figure out how to have an adult relationship with each other. My sisters got married and had kids at a young age, I went off to College and my folks tried to figure out what to do with themselves now that the past 30 years of their lives as raising kids was over... we are all certainly in a transition stage and patience and understanding must reside in all of us.

What I mean in writing all this today is that no matter what your sexual orientation or your religion or any other different factor, there will always be something that your family will not understand. But what I have come to understand, is that it is not my job to make them understand it. When it really comes down to it, love is love. Find love where it is. Be patient, humble, honest, real, sympathetic and above all, love. As my favorite author Victor Hugo once said: 

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” 

Be strong and courageous this week friends! You are loved!